I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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