Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
