I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
