New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
