Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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