If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
false alarm. still invincible.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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