maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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