He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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