Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
