Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
