so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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