My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I believe in your delicious
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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