oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
