My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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