I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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