Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
