I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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