There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
