dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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