Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
