last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
