Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
