i wish starbucks made bloody marys
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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