my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I cut my penus on the lid.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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