from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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