...so i touched it.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
