I'm really into asian looking animals
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
