I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
