i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
