R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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