Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
