i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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