i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
