Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
