last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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