Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
