The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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