did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
