you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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