Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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