I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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