I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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