dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
