Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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