he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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