11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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