Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
