she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
