none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
