whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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