I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
