So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
