Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
