My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
