Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My ass is underappreciated
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
