I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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