She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
