What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
