I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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