It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize