Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
