That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
