Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
