omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
there is glitter all over my balls
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
