Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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