i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
