just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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