just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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