I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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