They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
