Jerry, you need to find god
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
