I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
