she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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