atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize
