Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
