We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
