How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
